


come home to my heart

by orphan_account



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Angst, Inspector Spacetime - Freeform, Lost Love, M/M, Songfic, angsty, at least for me, based on supercut by lorde, losing someone you love, post troy leaving, sad thoughts, tw anxious thoughts, tw hitting oneself, very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25789465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Based on “Supercut” by Lorde from her album MelodramaIt has only been days since Troy left for his trip, but to Abed, it was like a lifetime. A piece of him broke away, and all the feelings and memories come flooding back to him.
Relationships: Annie Edison & Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 13
Kudos: 41





	come home to my heart

_ It’s been days since he left. It only feels like hours. _

__ The Dreamatorium, once a place full of light and wonder, fell dark. The only thing that disturbed the inky blackness was the silhouette of Abed. 

Abed, in simplest terms, broke when Troy left. It was as if something in him finally cracked. Like the damn of a river just… burst. Abed winced at the thought of water. It just made him think of Troy. 

Abed was clutching his laptop like a teddy bear.  _ This holds all the memories, this holds us.  _ He slowly got out of his huddled position in the corner of the room. He became stiff after sitting there for… hours?  _ Days? _ He unraveled himself, crossing his legs so the laptop could be placed in his lap. He opened it up. Abed shuddered. On the screen appeared a picture of him and Troy, the one that appeared on the cover of their magazine.  _ Even my wallpaper is mocking me. _ Abed clicked on a tab, popping up a video. 

A dim video appears. Him and Troy recreating a scene from their favorite episode of Inspector Dreamatorium. It’s like a warmth emits from the screen, as memories of laughter and love come through. 

_ It’s almost like you're here with me again, Troy. _

The movie starts the climb to a monumental point. The music is swelling, and its... _ oh fuck, it’s this part. _ Troy (or the Constable) looked deeply into the eyes of Abed. “We did it Inspector! Until next time!” Abed returned the look. “Don’t you mean until next...space?” The screen turned to black.

_ I remember that look you gave me. You’ve given it to me before. It was like the entire world was in those looks. I could understand the world in those looks, but now… now they’re gone. Just like that.  _

There was love in those glances. Every single time. Abed just wishes he knew that sooner. 

_ I lost you. I can’t believe I lost you. And now, I may never get you back.  _

Abed closes the laptop, but that does not stop the thoughts on his mind from reeling. The memories keep flooding back to him. They have been ever since Troy left. Every single adventure, antic, and more they have been on just keeps coming back. It’s like an ocean, with wave after wave, and Abed was drowning.

But even though Abed needed air, he wasn’t going to come up anytime soon. 

He needed those memories.

Truly, he needed Troy. 

_ God, Troy, we were such idiots.  _ Abed was pleading now, to an empty room. To his empty soul.  _ How come we never… did anything? We both knew how we felt, and yet we never… _ Abed hit his head against the wall. He was stupid. He knew that he loved Troy, more as a friend. The stolen glances, the lingering hugs, the warmth he felt whenever he was around. And yet, he did nothing. He needed those memories again. 

He didn’t want to admit it, but there was a part of him that felt like he would never get those ever again. 

Troy was gone.

_ Maybe I’m just… oblivious. I thought you felt the same. But maybe, I was wrong. Maybe I imagined everything. Everyone tells me that I imagine too much… maybe one of those things was us. I mean, I was always thinking about you.  _

And that was a fact. Abed was always thinking about Troy. Little things like the way he smiled when the happy ending of a movie they were watching happened, or when Abed was feeling down, Troy would always make him “Special Drink”. Then there were the big picture moments, like the way the two just clicked together. Like the two final puzzle pieces. 

Abed chuckled to himself.  _ The character development.  _

Only it was so much more than that. They were not just some characters in a story, they were real people who had real feelings. They hurt together, they cared together, they loved together. 

_ We could have been something ya know? We really could’ve. I wouldn’t have cared if it was all a secret. Truly. I would have been worth it, because I would’ve been with you. Because you make it all worth it, Troy. I thought I was a lost cause, but then you came… my dear. You were the secret to living. But now… now I just don’t anymore… _

_ We could’ve been so, so much more.  _

_ But now, all I have is our memories.  _

Abed spent the next minute composing himself. He had to be stronger than this. He had to face the truth. He opened up his laptop again, gently placing it on his lap.  _ It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay. _

He thought if he kept repeating to himself this simple phrase, then it might become true. 

He thought poorly. 

On screen, the scene appeared, but it was not something out of the Dreamatorium. Not some movie, or tv show they were recreating. It was just them. Their authentic selves.

It was Abed and Troy at a lake.  _ I remember this day...The sun felt great. The wind on my face felt great. You being there felt… great.  _

The camera was positioned in the front of them, angled up at both their faces. They both were sitting there on a beach towel, talking about an old episode of Cougartown. The wind was whipping through Abed’s hair, getting stuck in his mouth. 

“Here, let me get that.” Troy said, with so much love in his voice it was dripping with it. He slowly moved his hand to sweep the piece of hair back, keeping a light touch at the nape of Abed’s neck for just a brief moment.

They looked into each other’s eyes, as if searching for something. “Thanks.” Abed replied, snapping both of them out of there haze. 

_ Holy shit. I forgot that even… happened.  _

Abed was quickly taken out of his daze by a loud crash on the screen. 

“Look at the waves! And look, they brought tons of shells! I’m gonna go grab some before we head off, wanna come?” Abed on the screen said, the smile on his face brightened by the sun’s rays. 

Troy looked at him like there was nothing else in the world. “Yeah, I’ll be right there buddy.” 

Abed gave a soft smile at Troy, before he set off down by the waves. Troy positioned himself in front of the camera.

He smiled softly before saying, “Hey Abed. It’s me, Troy. Obviously you know that. You’re playing by the water right now.” He sighed, pleasantly. “I guess I just want to tell you how happy you make me feel. I mean, even right now! Just watching you live life makes me so excited to live mine. Thank you for being my best friend. You make me so… aaaah! So happy to just be living, and for a long time, I really didn’t feel that way. So, thank you, like, so much man. I love you, like a lot. Thank y-” He was cut off by Abed’s voice, coming from offscreen. 

“Troy! What are you doing?”

“Oh, uh, just figuring out how to turn it off! The battery is running low.”

Troy whispered to the camera. “See ya buddy, love you.” Troy smiled before the screen went to black. 

Tears started to roll down Abed’s cheeks.  _ Holy shit.  _

The sadness that overcame him quickly turned into something, heavier, and… more aggressive.  _ Anger. Frustration. We could’ve been something. _

“God how could I be so clueless!” Abed angrily whispered. 

So many years spent with Troy, and yet he did nothing. He could not believe the feeling of hopelessness and frustration he felt in his gut, almost like a hand pulling him down into the water, not being able to breathe. 

_ Too many water and ocean references. Can’t think bad about the water when he’s on it.  _

_ He’ll be okay.  _

That’s what Abed kept telling himself. It was a Schrondinger’s box scenario. He did not know whether Troy was safe or not. Yeah he had his tracker on him, but how much could that really do? It did not tell him whether he was alive or not. 

_ Or not. _

_ Don’t let your mind even go there.  _

Abed hit the side of his head, to tell his brain to stop. Like he was pressing a big, red “No” button, causing all the bad thoughts to go away. 

It did.

For a bit, anyway. 

_ God Troy. You’re too far away from me. There’s too many miles in between us. I wish you were here with me right now. Just for one moment more.  _

_ I wish I could even pretend like you’re here with me. Maybe, run something in the Dreamatorium. But it just feels wrong… it makes me feel empty. This room is empty.  _

_ You were the space that I needed. The comfort that filled my heart.  _

_ God I wish I could still tell you that.  _

But all Abed had was his films. The memories of his adventures, his love, his everything, all were right here. 

_ I wonder what would’ve happened in the other timeline. Yeah, we were evil. Yeah, we tried to take over Greendale and the other timelines. Yeah, you lost your voice. But fuck it! I would do anything if it meant I would still be here with you.  _

_ I would do anything to be here with you.  _

_ God, I’m selfish. You’re living your life! You’re finding out who you really are. You’re traveling with a man who inspired you since your childhood, and I’m wishing you were back with boring me.  _

_ You deserve to be on that trip, Troy. I mean that.  _

_ I wish you could hear me say that. _

Abed groaned, annoyed with himself.  _ There I go again.  _

Abed cowered into himself, almost like he was hiding from him. From his thoughts, from his emotions. He wished he knew how to deal with… well him. 

Abed quietly chuckled.  _ Troy would know. He always knew what to do. _

_ God, I wish you were here.  _

_ I miss you so fucking much.  _

_ I wish you were here with me.  _

__

_ I wish you were home.  _

The anger and despair swelled inside of Abed, like a storm about to break free. All the emotions, everything that came to him from the depths of his brain, was finally breaking out. The one man he could have had everything with, was gone. If only he had a time machine, he would have changed his life for the better. But no, everything he finally felt, the happiness he finally experienced, disappeared just like that. Gone with the changing of the seasons, like a North wind, that blew the warmth away. 

_ Troy, just please come back.  _

_ Just please come back.  _

_ Please come back. _

_ Please come back. _

_ Please come back. _

_ Please come back. _

_ Please come back. _

_ Please. _

The storm was growing darker and darker, heavier and heavier. Everything was going to break inside for him, like a mirror on a concrete floor. Abed’s heart was becoming denser inside of him, too much for his chest to handle. The tears were pricking at his eyes, burning him. 

_ It was us against the world Troy. You and me in this room, fighting the battles together. Fighting, and winning. _

_ But now, it’s just me. _

_ Now I’m just losing.  _

Abed finally broke. Everything came rushing out of him in waves. The silent pain that he was suffering for days on end, spilled over. Tears rushed from his eyes, and he could not stop. He was screaming in agony now. The sobs were not silent anymore. It was as if a ghost was propelling themselves out of his soul. 

All of this was becoming too much for Abed. He was shaking, and only could breathe very shallow breaths. Abed felt as though his mind and soul were not in his body. It was as though he was looking at himself from above. That he was an entirely different entity. He needed to ground himself. Push himself back inside of his body. Abed starts pounding his fist into his thigh, just to feel something. To put himself back. Tears were soaking Abed’s shirt, all the way down to his pants. Abed did not care though. All he wanted was Troy. But even the thought of Troy brought a cycle of emotions that was deep inside of Abed, and it was all finally coming out.

Abed was becoming increasingly frustrated with himself. He needed to be composed. For himself, for his friends, for Troy. 

_ Troy.  _

The anger surged out of Abed like a wave coming to land. “God dammit! God dammit! God dammit!” the man screamed. Tears were flowing out of Abed's eyes faster than he could handle. Abed could not even control his body anymore. He was beating his fists into the ground, screaming in agony. His mind was not controlling him, but his feelings. He could not breathe anymore. Everything was becoming too much. 

_ Everything… _

_ Everything… _

Abed’s thoughts were stopped with a fast rapping at the door.

“Abed? Abed are you in here? Are you okay?” said a panicked Annie. 

“I...yeah..” Abed could not even come up with an excuse to get Annie away. He could not even think coherently.

“I’m coming in, okay?” The door flung open. A bright light shone through the doorway, silhouetted by Annie. She looked down at a cowering Abed. Sadness filled her eyes. 

“Oh Abed honey…” She lowered down to sit beside him. Abed leaned over to cry on her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his middle. 

“I just… I…” Every word Abed tried to say came out shaky. But Annie stopped him. 

She just rubbed circles on his back. “I know Abed, I know.”

And Abed knew she understood. 

**Author's Note:**

> hi! its me again! sorry for the long wait in between fics i'm writing. a lot of stuff has been happening in my personal life, but now that is finally getting settled with, i can go back to writing! i will get out my part 2 of "you are stronger than what you think, troy" soon, i promise! funny story, i was actually gong to work on that fic, but when i was listening to a playlist, this song came on, and i was like omg that's such a trobed song. so i just had to write something based on it! (like literally i annotated the song to write this fic and i might post it to my tumblr @inspectordreamatorium). anyways thnk you al so much for the love on all my fics! i appreciate it immensely ! you can follow my community tumblr stated above, or for more community ramblings, my twitter is @inspectordream! thank you all so much again for everything, so much luv! <333


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